Moved my blog

I moved my blog: check out my new blog at http://sannemeijer.blogspot.com.

Picking up the pieces

So I’ve not been very active these last couple of months. I didn’t have much energy because I stuff that happened between me and my ex-boyfriend, but at least everything’s now is clear and one of the things I really want to give my time to is this blog because it’s something through which I can express myself.
These last 4,5 months I’ve learned so much when dealing with a relationship and the aftermath of it. Right now I’m picking up the pieces and my mood is really unpredictable. Just when I’m feeling happy again I start to feel down again. But because I also have happy moments I can see that things get better and that all I need is time to let everything heal. I have a lot of fun things to look out for: next week I’m going to a Joss Stone & Jason Mraz-concert and a couple of days from then I will go on a holiday to Cuba for 2,5 weeks with a good friend of mine. I’m really looking forward to it. And tomorrow I will be performing at a stage in a stadium for hundreds of people! It’s for an event that’s called Christians for Utrecht (the city I live in). We’re all going to worship God together and I’m looking forward to it!

Love,
DutchGirl

Thursday morning

It’s Thursday morning and everybody’s still asleep
Try to write a paper, but you’re still there in the back of my mind
At times I still doubt
Did I make the right decision? Shouldn’t I give us more time?
Even though my mind tells me I made the right decision, my heart aches
I thought I dealt with it, but it’s hard to breath without you
It hurts to think about the beautiful times we had together
So I try to pick up the pieces that are shattered on the floor
And try to move on
It’s Thursday morning and everybody’s still asleep

Trying to get back on track

I haven’t written anything on my blog since more than a month, so I thought it was time to get back on track… I have been very busy during this month. I am very busy with my study and since a couple of weeks I have a boyfriend! Because of this and other reasons I forgot my blog, but I wanted to let you know that I’m doing very well. Especially when you compare it with the subject of my last post.
I’m doing very well at university… I passed my courses from the last block and since a week or three I started two new courses: Gender & Ethnicity in Europe, and Eros & Pathos. The first course is about different subjects. An example is nationalism and being white. The second course is about sexual desire from women and how that’s represented in art. Last Thursday I had a class about chicklit (like Bridget Jones’s Diary and Confessions of a Shopaholic). It was really interesting, so maybe I will tell about some of my classes during the next few weeks. We also have to read four novels for Eros & Pathos. The first one I read is called Wide Sargasso Sea from Jean Rhys, a sort of prequel to Jane Eyre (Charlotte Bronte). The novel I’m currently reading is called Sula from Toni Morrison. I have to write book reports for those books so I will post some of my conclusions when I read the books. We also watch a movie every week so maybe that’s also interesting for you to read about.
So sorry you haven’t heard from me in a long time, but I will try to post more things in the next weeks…

Love,
DutchGirl

Feeling down… :-(

I think you’ll know how it feels like to be down sometimes… Well, I’m kinda in that right now, and I really want to spill because I hope it makes me feel better. I know people read this, and maybe that makes me feel better. I’m not going into detail what’s bugging me, because the people who know me know what it’s about (the obvious…). These last few months hasn’t been so great. I keep on going through the same problems everytime, and just when I feel better I am pulled back to my dark, cynical thoughts. It’s not a big problem when compared to something like a hunger crisis, and that’s also bugging me. Because I keep on whining on and on to myself about the same thing, and it doesn’t get me anywhere. But it’s so hard to turn it around, because nobody has an answer. Well, people DO have answers, but those are the cliche answers that I always hear. And I also feel like a spoiled young woman, because I have a great life. Being a teenager wasn’t easy for me, because I didn’t have (m)any friends at high school but somehow I turned it around. I started studying, got a room in Utrecht, became a member of a student’s union and got the life I wanted. And I do realize that I live the life that I wanted at 17. And that is the point where I get angry at myself. I have this amazing life, and I don’t appreciate it. I’m one of the few people living on this planet, who actually has enough money, a good family life and great friends. So I feel like I don’t have the right to even feel bad…
The only thing I can do, is to turn to God. I feel He’s with me when I feel down, but I’m afraid that I’m staying in this mood too long and I just have to let God pull me out of it. I think you’ll recognize the feeling of not wanting to be pulled out of this down mood, because makes you feel so good. It’s just easiest to just feel down and don’t pull yourself out of it.
Thank you’ll for reading this. I may sound like a typical drama queen, but this is how I feel…

Love,
DutchGirl

Let’s Be Pro-Human!

Last weeks things relating to the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, and in particular the violence at the Gaza Strip were getting worse. I don’t know much about this conflict, but what I do know is that this is not a good thing… Trying to find a solution for this problem is very hard and I really hope that a way out will be a real opportunity in the near future (although I fear this can take quite some time). What really strikes me in the debates surrounding this conflict is the fact that no country can choose for both sides at the same time. A country has to be either pro-Israel or either pro-Palestina. I have to confess that I tend to pick a side also and mostly I choose the weaker side or the side that doesn’t get as much support as the other party. Also, when you belong to a certain religion (in this case Christianity) you are almost supposed to support Israel. Here’s a striking example: last Sunday I went to church. In our church we have a prayer book in which people can write their prayers which the minister can pray during the service. One of them was to pray for Israel. I felt really angry, because what I get from the media is that Israel began the bombings last week. I think it’s important to pray for both countries, especially for a peaceful solution which works for both countries and is in the best interest of all people in both countries. My point is that it’s important to be Pro-Human. Pray for Israeli’s, but also for Palestinians. Pray for a peaceful solution to this terrible conflict. Last, I want to remind you of some words Jesus spoke in Matthew 25:

I was hungry and you fed me,
I was thirsty and you gave me a drink,
I was homeless and you gave me a room,
I was shivering and you gave me clothes,
I was sick and you stopped to visit,
I was in prison and you came to me.’

Love,
DutchGirl

Holiday! :-D

I’m so excited, because I finally have two weeks off from university! I love my study, but sometimes I really need some free time to charge up the battery. Last Thursday was my last class for this year and I also got some grades. I wrote a paper with critique about all this research that is being done and the non-relevance of the research. I think it’s important that research is something that can be used in society. I had an 8 (in the U.S. that would be a B). And for a presentation about an excursion I got a 7.5 (C+).
So what will I do the rest of my holiday? I do have to study, but it’s fun because most of the study work I’ll have to do is reading novels. I have to read five and I just started with the 2nd one (Frankenstein by Mary Shelley). Furthermore, I will read a lot of magazines and other books, play on my Nintendo DS, listen to (christmas) music on my iPod, play The Sims on my laptop, eating with family and friends and celebrate the beginning of a new year!!! Just looking really forward to Christmas. I’m starting to get in the mood for Christmas because I’m currently listening a lot of Christmas songs. Especially being with my family is lots of fun. Also because I’m home for 4 days and that’s a really long time for me… Just love it to be with my family for so long.
So it’s going to be lots of fun and hate it when it’s over… So I’m really gonna enjoy it!

Love,
DutchGirl

In love with music…

Before I start the topic of this post, I wanted to let you’ll know that the winning song from my poll is In God’s Hands from Nelly Furtado. It was actually a tie, between the Nelly Furtado-song and All My Life from Krezip, but I choose for In God’s Hands, because it’s just a nice, relaxing and beautiful song to sing. So thanks everybody for voting!
And as a supplement to my last topic about “Taking authority”: I had a class a few days later, and the teacher said that it’s ok if people don’t want to say anything. It’s ok to just observe… I smiled, because that was such a confirmation on what I heard in the other class.
But what I want to talk about today is music. Music is one of my biggest passions and equals air to me. If I didn’t have music, or if I were unable to sing, life would be terrible. When I’m down I know which song to pick that’ll make me happy again. But sometimes it’s also good to listen to sad songs, because most of the times the sad songs are the songs that are the most beautiful ones and that cut right through your heart. I want to discuss some of my favorite music styles and artists.
I love all kinds of music styles, but two styles I absolutely adore are musical and soul. Musical cuts just through my soul and there’s so much emotion in it. I have been to a lot of musicals. The musicals I went to this year were Dirty Dancing and Ciske de Rat (a Dutch musical). Don’t laugh at me, but at the moment a musical starts I get really emotional because a musicals are so beautiful! Musicals are able to make me feel so happy! Hate it when it’s over… My favorite musicals are Aida and Cats. The former because it’s about an impossible love (always a favorite subject of mine), and the latter because of the amazing choreography. I like all musicals, but especially the more dramatical musicals; I prefer them over feel good musicals.
Another music style I mentioned is soul. With soul I mean also blues, jazz and gospel. This music is also able to hit the right spot emotionally. I don’t have a lot of soul music, but I love Aretha Franklin, Joss Stone and Christina Aguilera’s Back to Basics, especially the song I’ve Got Trouble because it’s an old-sounding blues song.
One of my favorite new artists is NewWorldSon (NWS). I saw them for the first time at the Flevo Fest last August and they were the surprise of the whole festival. It’s a Christian band and their style is a mix of (black) gospel, soul, blues, hiphop, beat box, etc. It’s that kind of band that is at its best on stage. That’s the only disadvantage about this band; therefore the CD sounds less better than their life performances. When I saw them in August, everybody was going crazy and although the performance was in a big tent, it felt like a juke joint (jazz club). If you want to see a performance by them, check the video below:

So these are a couple of my favorite artists. I’ll probably tell more about favorite artists another time…

Love,
DutchGirl

Learned a new word! (2)

Just came across a strange-sounding word: vicissitudes. It means:
- a change of circumstances or fortune, typically one that is unwelcome or unpleasant (my mac dictionary)
- [poetic/literary] alternation between opposite or contrasting things (my mac dictionary)
- you use vicissitudes to refer to changes, especially unpleasant ones, that happen to someone or something at different times in their life or development (Collins Cobuild Dictionary)
- regular change or succession from one thing to another, or one part of a cycle to the next; alternation; mutual succession; interchange or a change, especially in one’s life or fortunes (Wiktionary.com).

I’m sorry if it’s very boring, but to me it’s a handy tool to memorize the word.

Love,
DutchGirl

Taking authority

Had a class today on Historiography of Feminist Ideas and one element of these classes is a couple of interviews with teachers from the Gender Studies Department. These teachers lived all of these feminist movement cliches you know. It’s really interesting, but there was only one thought from one of the teachers that struck me today. She talked about giving yourself the authority to do something. That really spoke to me, because currently I’m struggling with the fact that I’m not very critical in class. I don’t have any things to say, or comments, and the rest of the girls (and one boy ) are really critical and I’m like “OK, I agree”. I just don’t have any comments; I listen, observe, and agree. That made me feel a bit insecure about my capacities but on the other hand, I know I’m passionate and yes, I have to learn things but maybe it’s a quality that I’m not constantly critical about everything. Maybe I’m talented in putting things in perspective. I know that I actually AM critical, but maybe I’m just critical in another way.
What that teacher told us is to believe in yourself and to actually take the authority to act on it. I think that’s an extraordinary thought. I think low self esteem is a major problem in contemporary society. I think that if everyone would be content with who they are, the world would be a more beautiful place to live in. There are a lot of theories about this problem and I recognize with myself that I used to think a lot about it, instead of really do something about it. Now I can actually tell I do something about it and I’m living the life that I love. That doesn’t mean I’m not insecure anymore (as this example from class perfectly illustrates), but I know I have the authority and power to solve the problem.

Love,
DutchGirl

P.s.: don’t forget to vote on a song which I can work on in singing class (post below this post).